Controlling Thoughts

Anxiety=Attempting to control my surroundings, people, and actions while sacrificing myself

The more that I tried to be in control, the more anxiety I had. The urge to control would literally spin my mind out of control, but I never really looked at it that way until now. Isn't it interesting how God just continues to open that door just a little wider each time? He waits until I am ready to see the knowledge that He has for me. He waits until He knows that I can grasp what He is trying to teach me.

I never really thought of myself as a controlling person, but in reality I was extremely controlling. That was how I made sense of my world. The urge to be in control of everything links back to a time when I was controlled by someone. As a result, I have spent the better part of my life trying to maintain some sort of control over every aspect of my life so that I could find peace. I never wanted to be caught off-guard again, so I became compulsive. I over-planned so that I would always be prepared for the unexpected. The result and pressure of always being in control has led to my demise.

This is all like a new revelation to me. It is like I am seeing it all for the very first time. It makes me sad to think that the answers were so easily in my grasp, but I wasn't ready to accept the truth until now. It was like dangling a treat in front of a dog and jerking it away really fast so that they have to reach and stretch harder each time to try to get it. But slowly, ever so slowly, God keeps moving the knowledge and information closer and closer to me so that I don't have to stretch or reach so hard. He is spoon-feeding me ever so slowly so that I have time to absorb and really accept all of the knowledge that He is giving me. What a merciful God we have! I can see now that He has protected me all of these years. I wasn't ready to face the past. I wasn't ready to really feel. I wasn't ready to live each day like it were my last. I was stuck. I was downtrodden. I became broken. It wasn't until I became broken that He lifted me out of the depths and has started to do a real work inside of me. He has given me the vision so that I can clearly see. The answers are all there for me. It isn't an unsolvable puzzle. It begins with faith.

Faith=letting go of the control.
Faith=letting go of the fear.
Faith=believing in something unseen that becomes reality.

The opposite of faith is fear. Without faith, we live in fear. It is that simple.I had someone close to me tell me this over a year ago. I didn't want to really believe what they were telling me. I didn't like what they had to say because it was the truth. I didn't want to admit that I lacked faith. I didn't want to be less than. I was ashamed that this was the path that I was on. I was angry because they dared to tell me what I needed to hear. Over the last year, I have thought about those six words, over and over again---The opposite of faith is fear. I was convicted. God brought me to a place where He said, "Trust me. Be still and know that I am God. Let go and let me be in control. Let me create a beautiful work within you."

It has taken great courage and trust to "Let Go and Let God". I have just now began to let go of some of the control. I do know that the more I practice letting go of the control, the more my eyes are opened to God's way is always the right way. God is the potter and I am the clay. Mold me and make me what You desire me to be. It is without fear that I speak these words. It is with faith that I am walking a new path. A path that leads me closer to my God, my Savior, my King.