It's About Time

It's about time for a new post, a new blog, a new revelation, a new me.

A friend asked me yesterday,
"Which part of you is the real you:
the quiet, reserved person or the crazy, fun person?"
That question really stopped me in my tracks.
I really couldn't put my finger on who I really was.
It disturbed me that I couldn't really answer the question.
My mind became clouded with thoughts like,
"What would people think of me if I really showed the real me?"
I have always thought I had to put on a show for people to like me.
Would they really want to be around me if I would show my true self?
Do they really want to know what I think about all of the time?
They might find me boring.
They might find me too uninteresting.
They might reject me.

Where does the line between fantasy and reality really begin or end?
Can one exist without the other.
The fantasy in my head keeps me sane.
The feeding of the ego keeps me coming back for more.
How can I come to a place where what I think of me in my head....
is the same as what I think of me on the outside?
That I am ok with myself just the way that I am.
Have I been conditioned to believe a certain way just to survive?
Is it this survival mode that has distorted my true self?
My true being.
The truth.